Let me begin by stating that I am in no way a figure skating aficionado. I do not know how the scoring works, what exactly a triple toe loop is nor whether that’s even a thing. What I do know however is artistic talent when I see it and Russia’s Evgeni Plushenko and Canada’s Kurt Browning have that in spades. These two performances are historic in the sense that they happened some years ago and are not to be compared based on era.
First up on the board we have one of Plushenko‘s routines remixed to Ginuwines ‘Pony ‘, which as we all know, is the ideal soundtrack to…well…almost anything. For the first minute or so of this classic I wasn’t even sure that what was being seared onto my retinas was real and by “real” I mean not computer generated; so incredulously amazing was the performance. What more can one hope for from a fake muscle suit, patent leather (maybe just extremely shiny) pants and a gold bikini bottom? Now the original soundtrack to this routine was originally ‘Sex Bomb’ by Tom Jones but as I previously stated ‘Pony’ is certainly the superior soundtrack and makes this performance infinitesimally better.
Score: 4.5 out of 5 stars
*loses half a point for not making ‘Pony’ the original soundtrack to begin with.
Next up is Browning‘s routine to ‘Play that Funky Music’. Clad in a white poofy (like puffy but better), long sleeved, pirate shirt and patent leather (again potentially just really shiny) pants, Browning thrusts and gyrates with the best of them. Overall a good artistic performance with lots of browning points (haha) for the chest thrusts with his head thrown back ala Leo Dicaprio standing on the bough of the Titanic. Browning’s performance while amazing in its own right loses creativity points for not stripping down to a fake muscle suit and a gold bikini but gains points for class, drama, gyrations and for being Canadian.
Score: 5 out of 5 points
*Photo Credit: David W. Carmichael (Wiki Commons)